


The most popular Champions in LOL

by Zefbunny



Category: League of Legends, The Most Popular Girls in School
Genre: Cringe, Funny, Multi, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 03:38:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13286202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zefbunny/pseuds/Zefbunny
Summary: Every champion has a passionEvery champion has an perfectionIS REALLY WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?Join 3 most popular champions that kickass against the gold!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Cringe warning, triggers....

CHAPTER 1: THE NEW CHAMPION

Vayne: Well, then, I was all like "no," and then you were like, "you are!" And then he was all like, "No, but then you are!" And I was all like, "I kind of am." So long story short he's kind of my boyfriend right now.  
Jinx: I am so pretty.  
Vayne: You really are! Is there like fighting practice today?  
(a new champion walks in, both look at her.)  
Jinx: Um... Excuse me?  
Vayne: Hello?  
???: (looks at them) What?  
Jinx: Who the fuck are you?  
???: Who the fuck are you?  
Jinx: I asked you first.  
???: I asked you second.  
Vayne: Ah! Ah! She's Jinx, the loosen cannon! Duh. Zaun Champion Leader! Homecomming Queen! Part-time model.  
???: Oh.  
Jinx: Who the fuck are you?!  
???: I'm Zoe. I'm new.  
Jinx: Who the fuck let you in here?  
Zoe: Ahri.  
Jinx: Ahri who?  
Zoe: Ahri the nine tailed fox.  
Vayne: Ahri that fox isn't even in charge of the door!  
Jinx: So, Deandra let me tell you how things work here—  
Zoe: I already know how things work around here.  
Vayne: Ahri the nine tailed hoe is in charge of the snacks! Why is she letting people inside of the door?!  
Jinx: This is my bathroom. This is my lore. And this is me telling you that you need to learn your place.  
Zoe: Guess what? I already know all those things.  
Jinx: Oh really?  
Zoe: Yeah.  
Vayne: Morgana is in charge of the door! What the fuck is she doing letting Ahri let people in? (leaves)  
Jinx: You're not from around here are you, Zoe?  
Zoe: I just transferred from the sky.  
Jinx: Where the fuck is that?  
Zoe: North of Twilight, west of the sparkles!  
Jinx: Well, let me tell you how things work around here in summoner’s rift!  
Zoe: I already know how things work around here in summoner;s rift!  
Jinx: Really?  
Zoe: Yeah. Ekko told me all about it.  
Vayne: (returns) Is Morgana sick? Does she have mono? ... I feel like her dad might have died.  
Jinx: What the fuck are you doing talking to Ekko?  
Zoe: We have sorcery together.  
Jinx: That's my fucking boyfriend, bitch.  
Zoe: Oh really? That's not what Katarina said.  
Jinx: Well, Katarina is a fucking liar!  
Zoe: She seemed to know a lot about you and Ezreal.  
Jinx: Okay, Zoe, just what the fuck do you want?  
Zoe: I want to poop here. Whenever I want... for as long as I want.  
Jinx: Fine. But know this. I do not like you.  
Zoe: I feel indifferent towards you.  
Jinx: I'll be watching you....  
Zoe: I'm going to poop now.  
Vayne: Wait, Morgana's dad is sick. Kayle's dad is a devil! Duh Vayne!  
(Zoe goes into stall and loudly defecates)  
Zoe: Owned. Have fun smelling my poops, bitches! (leaves)


	2. The chemistry lesson of the witch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the bulletin on the headquarters

https://lolstatic-a.akamaihd.net/apollo/assets/vb/boards-wallpaper.jpg

Rakan: So then he was like, "Give me a lap!" And then I was all like, "Hey master Yi, why don't you give me a lap?" And then he was all like, "You know what Rakan? I respect you."  
Caitlyn: Was it slutty of me that I gave you a handjob last night?  
(a mysterious lady walks over)  
???: Hello Rakan, hello Sheriff.  
Caitlyn: Hello Xayah the Griffin Pig.  
Xayah: Eh Brittany, do you have an extra, how do you say, "hair tie"?  
Caitlyn: Why do you say "how do you say" before words you clearly know how to say? Camille says you're not even from Ionia. You're from Flatts.  
Xayah: Rakan, I saw you in your fighting game on Friday. You were magnifique!  
Rakan: Oh, actually, that was Ezreal. He's first on the depth chart. i'm second string.  
Caitlyn: Stop trying to change the subject Xayah the griffin pig!  
Xayah: What subject?  
Caitlyn: The subject that you are not from Ionia, but instead you're from Flatts!  
Xayah: This is not true. Camille cannot be trusted.  
Caitlyn: Actually, Camille hasn't told a lie since the third grade, so um, yeah, she can be trusted, you idiot.  
(Xayah walks away)  
Caitlyn: (scoffs) She's so from Flatts.  
Rakan: Hey, if it's okay, do you think you could give me another handjob tonight?  
Caitlyn: Ugh, I guess.  
Rakan: Aw sweet!  
Caitlyn: But in exchange for that, you have to watch a whole episode of Glee with me. Yay Glee!  
(Xayah comes back over)  
Xayah: I just realized I came over here to get my sorcery book, and then I never got it, so I came back to get it, how do you say, "now".  
Caitlyn: Now? That's exactly how you say "now", Xayah. Which you clearly know how to say because you just said it. So don't say "how do you say" before shit you clearly know how to say!  
Xayah: Okay.  
(Xayah and Rakan giggle)  
Caitlyn: Everyone knows you're from Flatts.  
Xayah: I should go to sorcery training class, because now I have my book.  
(Xayah walks away)  
Caitlyn: God I hate her so much.  
Rakan: Oh, hey. If I watch an episode of RWBY, and an episode of Camp Camp, can I get a blowjob instead?  
Caitlyn: What? That's not even a fair trade! You like strong dog!  
Rakan: What? Huh? That's not true!  
Caitlyn: Yes it is. The only person who likes IDIOT SCOUTING more than you is fucking TEEMO.....  
(Teemo comes walking through the hallway)  
Teemo: Lalala, I love scouting soooo much.  
Caitlyn: (put her rifle to Teemo) Nobody's fucking talking about scoutting, Teemo! Why don't you go eat a roly poly like you did in the goddamn third grade?  
(Teemo walks off, crying)  
Caitlyn: Shut the fuck up, Teemo!  
Rakan: Hey, um, Happy Tree Friends is a good show.  
Caitlyn: You are not my boyfriend anymore.  
(Xayah comes walking in again)  
Xayah: I thought that it was third period, so I got my sorcery book out of my locker. But then when I got to sorcery class, and Lissandra said to me, "Xayah the rebel, it is not third period, but rather second period." So now I have returned to my locker to retrieve my martial art book, how do you say, "book"?  
Caitlyn: (whisper) God I wanna fucking murder you.  
Rakan: Hey, Xayah, do you want to go out on a date?  
Caitlyn: What?  
Xayah: Oh, are you suggesting a, how do you say, "ménage à trois"?  
Caitlyn: Really? You're really asking how to say "ménage à trois"? It's a fucking French word you little bitch!  
Rakan: Actually, it would be a "ménage à two".  
(Rakan and Xayah laugh)  
Rakan: Caitlyn just broke up with me.  
Xayah: Oh, you know Rakan, my people know very much about suffering.  
Caitlyn: Oh, and what people are that? "Montrealeans"?  
Xayah: No, the people that invented the French kiss.  
(Xayah and Rakan make out passionately)  
Xayah: (while making out) Oui, oui, oui. No, no! Oui, oui, oh, Napoleon! Oui, oui, stop.  
(the couple stop kissing)  
Xayah: Bet that was better than some second-rate handjob.  
Caitlyn: Who the fuck said my handjobs were second-rate?  
Xayah: Oh, I dunno, everyone from Zaun to Ionia. You know, blah...blah...blah...blah  
Brittnay: Gnar said my handjobs are second rate? Oh, when I get through with that piece of shit, he's gonna wish his parents went through with that move to St. Louis!  
(Xayah and Rakan make out again making Caitlyn shocked)  
Xayah: (while making out) Oh, oh no! Stop.... Go. Oh, you are naughty.  
(Rakan giggles)  
Xayah: (while making out) Stop.  
(stop making out)  
Caitlyn: And for the record, Xayah the Griffin Pig, I do not just give handjobs. I also let boys fuck me in my butthole, okay? Not my growler, but my butthole. Because I am saving my virginity for someone special. And that's not you Rakan. (Brittnay walks away)  
Rakan: What the fuck is a growler?


	3. Sisters of the dark......

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meanwhile in the bathroom.....

Zoe: Have fun smelling my poops, bitches!  
Vayne: So... is there cheer practice today or not?  
???: (enters) Where the fuck is Miss Jinx?  
Vayne: Oh my God, it's Katarina.  
Jinx: What the fuck do you want, Katarina?  
Kat: Oh I don't know. I heard that you're going around calling me a fucking liar!  
Jinx: Where did you hear that?  
Kat: Uh I don't know, like thirty-five seconds ago.  
Jinx: I said "where", not "when", you idiot!  
Kat: Shut up! You know I'm partially deaf in my right ear after Matthew Derringer hit me in the head with that fucking hacky sack in the third grade!  
????: (enters) Where the fuck is Miss Jinx?  
Vayne: Oh my God, it's Cassiopeia , the most popular champion in the history of 4500 BC.  
Cass: Hiye, Vayne!  
Vayne: O-oh my God. (ducks into a bathroom stall)  
Jinx: Cassiopeia, how's that State?  
Cass: Um, it's great. I'm like in a shitton of sororities and I have a twenty-nine year old boyfriend. Suck it!  
Jinx: It's so good to see you.  
Cass: I heard you were calling my sister a fucking liar!  
????: (enters) Where the fuck is Miss Jinx?  
(Silence until the group sees a little girl)  
Jinx: Who the fuck are you?  
????: Who the fuck are you?  
Jinx: Oh no, no. We are not doing this again.

Cass: This is our family friend, Annie. She's the most popular girl in Voodoo island.  
Annie: And I heard you were calling my sister a fucking liar!  
Vayne: Okay, seriously? Who the fuck is watching the door? How did a nine year old get in here?  
Annie: Shut up, Vayne! Or should I tell everybody about how you make out with Soraka behind Popcorn Store after school?  
Vayne: H-how do you know about that?  
Annie: Tibbers. We have gymnastics together.  
Kat: What?  
Cass: Fucking stand on the other side of me.  
Kat: Fucking Matt Derringer. Listen, Jinx. We want—oh! Oh my God. It smells terrible in here.  
Jinx: Somebody literally just pooped.  
Cass: It smells awful.  
Annie: It smells like somebody put a diabetic foot into a sandwich and left it in the sun. Ugh!  
Vayne: (retching) I'm sorry. I'll text Kai'Sa.  
Kat: Anyway... I want an apology. I'm not a fucking liar!  
Jinx: You are a fucking liar! And I'll gladly tell it to all of this island!  
Cass: Well then, I'll gladly tell the student bodies of Wichita State, Kansas, and San Diego State that you eat dick burritos.  
Vayne: Oh my God, that's everywhere you applied.  
Jinx: I know.  
Annie: And I'll gladly tell the entire student body of Yorick Elementary that elementary grader Zoe... is rife... with cooties.  
(Jinx and Vayne gasp)  
Jinx: I know. Okay, fine. Katarina, (quietly) I am sorry.   
Kat: I didn't believe that for a goddamn second. I want a handwritten apology delivered to my locker along with twenty-five dollars in PacSun bucks. Additionally, I want possession of all girls bathrooms from the West Bank lockers to the second floor and to the two trees in the quad.  
Mackenzie: Fuck you.  
Annie: You know, Mackenzie, it'd be a shame if your sister fell down a flight of stairs!  
Jinx: Uh, fine! I'll accept your terms, but you have to give the cheer squad the center lunch table.  
Cass: Fine.  
Jinx: There's also a girl named Deandra who has pooping privileges here.  
Kat: She will be safe.  
Jinx: Good. But know this: the war between the Marksman Squad and other champions has just begun.  
Kat: Understood.  
Cass: Understood.  
Annie: Understood!  
Vayne: Wait, what's going on?  
Caitlyn: (bang! bang!) Shut the fuck up TEEMO!  
Teemo: (runs crying around the bathroom)  
Everyone except Vayne: Fucking Teemo!  
Vayne: Yeah, Teemo...

**Author's Note:**

> I DON'T OWNED MPGIS AND LOL  
> I found the main casts here: https://www.yahoo.com/news/here-are-the-20-most-popular-league-of-legends-champions-in-2016-170054452.html


End file.
